You Light Me On Fire

Really Freakin' Awesome Dream

2008-05-07T02:46:19Z

So I had this insanely cool dream a few days ago. .... Actually, once I start talking about it you'll probably be like "this is so lame! It's like something out of an anime!" ... >_> Well I thought it was cool.

So my friends and I were all part of this.... like... elite group of demon fighters/hunters. But not really. We just fought these evil blob thingys. And there was a headbadguy whose appearance constantly changed, and it had to take over someone's body every year or so in order to survive (for some reason ...)

Anyway. I don't know why I knew this, but whenever it picked someone it wanted to take-over, it would kidnap them and trap them in its hideout for a few days so they would get weak enough for it to take over without struggle. And it would keep them there by pulling their feet underground and twisting their legs till they broke. o_o;

Well, there was this random really girly-girl that we knew it was targeting for it's next body, so we were protecting her. Everybody had their own really cool power/fighting style thing. And... for some reason... (I REALLY don't know why) I was super apathetic about EVERYTHING. I just didn't care. Well, they assigned me to be the bodyguard for the girl we were protecting while they all beasted on the demonblob things. So I stood there next to her. Literally.

Then after they had won, they took the girl away and everyone was like 'yay we won'. Then Zech appeared next to me, and said something. I was still apathetic, and was like 'hm.' Then I noticed Zech was on the other side of the room with the people, and when I looked at the Zech next to me, he was suddenly a woman with red hair in white clothes, and she grabbed me and jumped out the window. My mind stayed with everyone in the building, and my friends from college were like "OH NO HE KIDNAPPED ELIZ OH EM GEE" and my friends from home were like "She'll be fine till we find her." (Not in a we-dont-care way, in a they really believed i could take care of myself way... you know? XD)

So then it went to where I was. And I was in this dark room with a dirt floor, and the evildude was in the shadows talking at me. And it was like "So... should I try to keep you here?" And I knew he was talking about the breaking the leg thing, so I was like (apathetically of course) "Well. How about we make a deal. You can pull my feet underground, but don't break my legs. Pain is pointless."

So he pulled my feet underground, but didn't break my legs. And then somehow I was sitting at a table, and it put ramen in front of me. I just said, "So. Is this poisoned?" It was still constantly changing, but it smiled and said "No. Why would I kill you now?" So I shrugged and ate it. >.>;

Then all my friends showed up but they couldnt find me for some reason. Then when they came in the room I was in, I was like "Finally." Then it pulled me underground and next thing I knew I was in a warehouse outside. They all came outside and were having an epic battle with the badguy. The badguy was getting weaker and weaker so he suddenly attacked me and tried to take over my body. But it was harder because I wasn't weak so I could fight back. Buuuuut....

THEN I WOKE UP. >____< I got really annoyed cause I tried to go back to sleep to finish, but I couldn't!!! T^T

Anyway. Finals are going ok. My two finals that I needed to write essays for were Monday. x_x And Math is tomorrow, and German is Thursday. I'm SO WORRIED about German because Dr. Schiketanz scares the hell out of me. AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY. >_O He's like... the shyest professor I've ever met and he still makes me so nervous! And our final is me and him sitting in a room with me telling him a fairytale in German. >_> -sigh-

Anyway. My roommate and some girls are waxing their armpits in the living room. I wasn't invited to join, so I don't particularly care, but they're yelling alot. Oh well.

I want to make my Merry fangirl outfit but... I don't think I have the time to make a good one. -.- I guess I'll just go to Akon as a normal person. Again. Oh well. :/ The agony.... lol. -_- I guess I kinda wanted to dress up as something though. Hmm..... >_> Oh well. I have to focus on finals right now anyway. K. I'm gonna go. Goodnight everyone. (Not that.. anyone reads this but still... >.>)

Formals, Animes, and Other Things

2008-04-13T20:43:12Z

So I've randomly been digging into all the new anime lately. Well, not all of it. But more than I usually do. Usually I stick to maybe one series... but I've actually downloaded and tried a few this season. Such as: Mnemosyne, Vampire Knight, Kure-nai, Soul Eater, Junjo Romantica, and the ever popular Code Geass R2. I'm not sure if I should really sit here and talk about each one though -.-... oh well.

Mneymosyne is really odd. It's almost a bit too much for me, but if you ignore all the weird and creepy and somewhat disturbing things its actually really really really good. I've only watched the first episode though, although I have up to 3 downloaded. It's an OVA so its longer episodes but they only release like once a month.

Vampire Knight... well, it's alright. It kind of strikes me as one of those shows where they focus sooo much on the color that they kind of shirk on the fluidity. But with the growing impressiveness of computerized things even the nonfluidity is scarce. There was just something about it though that seemed odd.... I can't quite put my finger on it.

Kure-nai... is unexpectedly really good. At first, when hearing a generalization of the plot: aka - boy with super body surrounded by beautiful women and a random 7yearold - you're bound to think, "Ugh! I'm not watching another stupid, whiny, emo harem anime!" But... it's not like that at all. o_o The boy isn't whiny and emo (well he's a bit whiny but not the bad whiny...), he's just a normal 16 year old living on his own with a relatively normal personality. He has some kind of special body, but you don't know what or how or why. And his new assignment is to safeguard a 7yearold girl from her evil cult family. And no, the seven year old isn't portrayed in a cutesy kind of... bad hentai way, if you know what I mean. >_>; Anyway. The art is kinda wishywashy sometimes, but its fluid and the action scenes are great. So... I like it.

Soul Eater. What to say about this show? The art is SO ... off. To me anyway. It's like a mix between animaniacs, One Piece, and Full Metal Alchemist. I mean, the more I watched it the less it bothered me. Maybe. Oh, you know what it kind of looks like? That (stupid) American comic Halloween something. Well, not that bad. But it has a rather similar theme. The plot seems somewhat promising: three groups of Shinigami students are trying to get the ultimate weapon: the death scythe. To do this, the student's weapon-ized partners must swallow 99 'evil' souls and one witch soul. So... who knows. (Honestly I really think what threw me off was the really odd look of the shinigami world...) Anyway. The action sequences were rather amazing, and the fluidity was rather insane. o_o So... It seems promising.

Junjo Romantica... Ah, yaoi. Lol. Anyway, allow me to say I haven't actually watched this subbed yet. I only watched it raw (because it takes those fansubbers forever apparently :x) . Nevertheless, having read the manga before I wasn't totally bereft over what was going on. I just assumed. And it was SO CUTE. >_< Definitely one of the best yaoi. The art was great (and kept true to the great style of the manga), the voice acting was great, and.. all the random duckies and teddy bears were just adorable. But I'm going to watch it again once the subbed one comes out. >_> I'm watchin for it.

Last but DEFINITELY not least, Code Geass R2. I dunno about you people, but I have been DYING for this to come out. (What am I talking about? No one but maybe two people will actually read this >.> ... ) Anyway. I'm not really sure if I can make a safe assumption of it yet. I might need to wait till I see more episodes. (Which I should probably do with all of these... but hey <.< ) But honestly... parts of it left me slightly miffed. Why was his fucking memory gone? (Although I can assume...) And wtf is up with Rollo? (Although I can assume that too...) There was just all this random new stuff, and although its easy to assume where it came from and what its purpose is... you're still like 'wtf'. In my case anyway. Nevertheless!!! ... Still completely awesome.

phew. That was fun. Probably unnecessary, but fun. So, now I'm sure you're all dying to hear about the formal, hm? Probably not. Oh well. I'll blather on about that too.

So. Formal. Yeah.

I dressed up in my homecoming dress from last year (hey, I'm cheap... >.>) and straightened my hair out and did makeup and all that stuff. I was a dd, but I somehow ended up only really driving myself and Elizabeth (my roommate).

Anyway. At first... it was pretty freaking boring. I sat there for like an hour or more. Everyone else like... got up and danced to slow songs and stuff. Once, there was a song that like had a specific dance to it ( I can't remember what...) so we were all out on the dance floor doing that (except I was just kind of standing there awkwardly). And afterwards a slow song came on so everyone coupled up. Obviously, I wasn't coupling so I started heading back to the table, and this guy (Tyler) ... (who is rather rotund and I don't like him.... if you ever met him and heard the way he talks about girls youd understand.) anyway. He saw that I was the only girl left so he was like "Come on E..." so I kept saying no and he kept bothering me so I literally ran back to my table and sat down. -.-; I felt kinda bad for running away but... oh well.

That same dance though, since there were randomly extra guys, Si and Cameron went up there and danced for like two seconds before it got really awkward and they sat back down. XD That was hilarious.

We took some pictures and stuff. If I feel like it I might put some on here later. So after a while of standing there doing nothing, this guy Nathan ( whos pretty creepy ish too...) ...

[ Ok. Time for a random side story. Nathan is the guy who, last semester, was mentioning how in one of his classes they discussed how women don't leave anything to the imagination anymore with how they dress. Then, he looked at me (as i'm always wearing jeans and a tshirt), and said "Oh, well sure leave everything to the imagination don't you? Here, let me undress you with my eyes." ........ Yeah. ]

... so Nathan comes and talks to me and asks "So, do you dance?" I said, "Well, not very well. But I can make a fool of myself good enough." So he continues to tell me that a girl friend of his brought a guy who doesn't know anyone and kind of ditched him. So he pointed out this random dude sitting at a table alone, and asked if I would dance with him. I told him to go bring the guy over here and he could talk with our group and stuff so he wouldn't be alone, and if he really did want to dance then he could ask me himself. I mean... really? So then Nathan left and I didn't see either him or the random guy at the table the rest of the night. I think it was either a lie, a joke, or a ploy. Either which way.... I don't appreciate it.

Anyway. So I decided to go around and talk to some professors and stuff that were there. I said hi to Dr. Stave first. She looked really cool cause she had her hair all pinned up and stuff. Anyway, her husband Richard was there, so I said hi to him too. And he gave me like a half-hug, so I half-hugged back and then he kissed me on the cheek. >.> I realize it was like a greeting-kiss but I was so taken aback I was like, "Uh.... do I kiss you back? I'm confused..." ( I didn't say that, it was what was going through my head.) So anyway. That was fun.

Then later I saw Dr. Jensen (my gay tnt professor whos really nice) so I went to say hi. And... well. I'm pretty sure he was somewhat gone. If you know what I mean. >.> So I said hi, and we were talking about TnT, and he just stops in the middle of our conversation and is like, "BY the way Elizabeth, that gown is just gorgeous! You get three whole stars, if not FIVE!" First of all, he said 'gown'. Second of all, what happened to four? o_o I mean... this way I'm either mediocre or super. xD ... I know he didn't mean it that way though. >.>;

Well Matt came over with his harem and started interrupting our conversation, so I looked at Jensen and said, "He's drunk." (meaning matt...) And Matt kept arguing that he wasn't, so when I said he was drunk again Matt goes, "Oh yeah? Well... why don't you just ... take a picture with Jensen or something!?" So Jensen goes, "Ok!<3" and grabs me in a hug for a picture. ._. ... I really want a copy of that picture. >.> So I can take it to class Tuesday and be like "Do you even remember this Jensen?" -.-; But I haven't gotten one yet.

Anyway. Then Jensen took a picture of Matt and his harem, then Matt like almost fell over so I said he was drunk again. But this time, he was like " I... AM ... NOT ... DRUNK!" And threw his arms out to emphasize. But when he did, he hit Dr. Stave's husband who was walking by, and knocked his wine all over Mr. Richard and me. -_- Well. It really only got on my legs, but it got all over Dr. Stave's husband's shirt. Luckily it was white wine though.

Oh, and I saw Dr. Schiketanz (my German Professor) near the beginning of the dance and when I said hi to him, he had these happy face glasses on, so I said "I like your glasses." And he just goes, "Yes. I am a 'happy' German." in this really ... bland voice. o_o I was like "....oh." I didn't really get it but still. >.> ...

Lets see... what else happened. A bunch of guys went and suddenly surrounded our Dean, Miss Davina, and started doing the rap hump move on her. >.> That was awkward. She enjoyed it though. I guess. Maybe. She was pretty gone too. <_<; Sort of. Oh, and Jeremy brought his boyfriend, and that was cute. Except when they started groping each other on the dance floor. Then it was like LOOK-AWAY ~<_<.

Well, eventually I got sick of being bored. And I was sitting with Megan, a girl from my Jane Austen class, so the Cupid Shuffle song came on and we went up and did that. It was fun, but right after a slow song came on. We decided it was pointless to go sit back down just for one song, so we danced together for the slow one. xD But it wasn't slow dancing, we were like twirling around and doing really dramatic stuff. But it was kinda hard because I was literally about a foot and a half taller than her, so I had to duck to twirl under her arm.

After that, it got kind of crazy. I started getting really hyper >_> (thats never a good thing), and we were dancing in a circle of Megan, Me, Zexy, Rachelle, Justin, Michael, Jadda, and Amy. For SOME reason, everyone decided it would be fun to take turns going in the middle and doing a stupid dance move. I didn't want to because I felt awkward enough just bopping to the music as was, but everyone else went so they put me in the middle of the circle and wouldn't let me out till I did something. So I twirled, and they didn't think that was enough.... Sooooooo I definitely attempted something they called a 'pop' or something. They decided it was good and let me back in the circle. -_- hm.

Then the group I had gone with started leaving, but I stayed cause I was actually starting to have fun with these people out on the dance floor. of course Matt and Melissa and their posse came out slightly tipsy and Matt kept falling into the wall and on me, and Melissa kept bumping me. But it was still fun. Then... Thriller came on.

Yes, Thriller. I BEASTED THE THRILLER OK? >_> (Thanks to Dance Crew...) I was a Thriller beast. Mwa ha ha. Anyway. That one was insanely fun. Then everyone else had left so Elizabeth wanted to go back too. So I left with them. When we were walking down front street to my car, Dr. Stave's husband was on the balcony and he was like "Bye Elizabeth!" So I yelled bye back and he goes, "There's no skinny dipping in the river!!!" And I was just like "whut? o_o"

And on the way home, I stated how "I'm a prime example of having fun without drinking!" And Elizabeth was like, "Well, if I wasn't 100% sure that you hadn't drank, I would be questioning." So I explained I was just really hyper. Then she was suddenly like, "And I thought you said you couldn't dance? What the hell was all that then?" .... I can't dance. I don't know what she saw exactly, but I can't. Nuff said.

Anyway. So we came home, and I kinda sorta wanted to try to call Jessica or Van and pretend like I was drunk.... but I wasn't quite sure they would find that as funny as I would so I decided against it. Although, I was still hyper when I was talking to them online, so... I dunno. I probably bugged them. <_< I'm sorry guys! Please don't hate me. ;.;

Anyway. When we were back at the dorms, we went to Mark's room for the 'after party'. That was when everyone started getting really drunk. There was this one girl that just.... omg. I'm not even going into that. We played Captain Dickhead for a while (that is a fun game, but only when people bother to pay attention), but then people started getting too drunk to play so we stopped. Then I kinda got bored again, because everyone was just sitting around yelling at each other. I eventually left.

But, i was told that later Thomas went into the room, and we had noticed at the dance that he was taking video and pictures of girls dancing. And he had of Keedra. So he mentioned it to her, but she was gone drunk ... So she said to him, "Well as long as you don't jack off to it I don't care." ... o_o Yeah. He just kinda... left.

The End. I think?

Oh wait I forgot one of the most important parts. =___= For SOME reason UNBEKNOWEST to me... like 15 people decided to tell me that my boobs looked nice in my dress and that I should show them off more.
....
WTF? What the hell kind of compliment is that?! I mean... I'm sorry the dress was a little lower cut than I remembered but dear god! When I say like 15 people, I'm not exaggerating. It was literally around that many. I'm never wearing anything like that again.
I know most people are supposed to take it as a compliment. One or two people saying that, maybe. Ten to fifteen? No. .... Sigh. =_=

So. Yeah. I think that's it. Otherwise, I've just been wasting time watching DBSK videos and random animes. I got Sophie, Jason, and Cy to watch Samurai X yesteday. Well, we watched the first half. We're going to watch the second half tonight supposedly.

Hm. This is really long. Oh well. I'm probably going home next weekend. There's not really a reason for me to stay here, and I should probably try to start taking some things back. Well, then I can go see the Forbidden Kingdom. I want to see that movie so baaaad. -_-

Well. I have a good bit of homework type things I should probably get to. So I guess I'll go work on those. If you read all of this then... wow. o_o Good job. D:

Much luv. <3

I'm just failing everything lately...

2008-03-28T05:18:11Z

I got an email from that language program today. Turns out I didn't get accepted. :P

Oh well, that's ok. Now I can get a job and work at home, and maybe take Chemistry during the summer. I think that's the best course of action anyway. Then I can save up money for when I DO get to go somewhere. (Preferably Japan but hey, I'm only hoping...)

So, besides the fact that I knew there was less than like a 20% chance that I would get accepted, I'm not going to lie... I'm kinda disappointed. I tried my best not to get hyped about it or anything but then, lol, how can you NOT?

Therefore, I officially have the second thing that I've completely and utterly failed at this week. This SpringBreak isn't exactly going well in terms of succeeding in great things. Oh well, I still have my friends and family and I get to spend time with them and that's all that matters.

Though, I still feel kinda feel down in a way for some reason. Not seriously, just like ... "Ugh, why?!" You know what I mean? With this second thing of defeat, other things in my life that are lacking, and have been lacking for some time, are becoming more apparent. I think its one of those psychological things where when one bad thing happens your mind tries to sneakily make it worse by making you remember other things, you know? Sigh. I'll get over it.

Well. I'm going to try to go write a new chapter of one of my stories so people can comment on it and I can be proud of SOMETHING.

Oh, I finished FFX2 today. But for some reason, when it got to the final ending clip scene, it started skipping and freezing. T___T I'm so upset. I cleaned the disc so I'm going to replay the end tomorrow and see if I can get it to work correctly. Why do I have such bad luck with videogame endings? >_> Literally, every video game I've ever finished has been marred. I'll even make a list (it won't be long lol)...

Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time - - - was rushed trying to get it back to the rental store before it closed.
FInal Fantasy X - - - A friend was randomly over for the ending and constantly asking why everything was happening.
Kingdom Hearts I - - - Phone rang and was in other end of the house. Was annoying uncle.
Kingdom Hearts II - - - Little sister's friends were over and (literally) screaming outside my bedroom so I couldn't hear what was going on.
The Longest Journey - - - That ending just plain SUCKED. And I haven't been able to get ahold of the sequel game. T_T
Siberia - - - I can barely remember what that game was about... that gives you a hint about the ending.
Final Fantasy X2 - - - Disc began skipping and freezing. Oh, and dad was making snide remarks about it. T_T

Sigh. Oh well.

Oh, the new Mucc CD " Shion " is like... amazing. I mean, I've always liked Mucc, but this has just blown me away. I can't stop listening to it. o_o I definitely suggest this CD if you're looking for something random to download.

Ok, random post getting long. Byebye now. -_-/)

Quit.

2008-03-26T05:41:49Z

So. I quit Crew. Here's a basic explanation.

Lately, for the past four or so weeks, I have been really really sad/depressed. Not like -omg i want to kill myself- depressed. Just really unhappy. Every time I thought about coming home I'd get homesick and really sad.

It got to the point where going to Crew wasn't really a fun or enjoyable activity anymore. It felt more like a chore. But since I've previously said over and over that I was going to make it to the end of the semester I didn't want to just give up or anything.

When I came home for the Easter weekend, I was extremely dreading going back for Spring Training. I really did not want to. I got practically sick just thinking about having to go back. Not sick in a disgusted throw up way, like in a my head hurts and i feel like I'm going to cry way.

I figured if I could just work through SpringBreak I'd get over it and whatever. But when I went back, it just kept getting worse and worse, and all I could think was that I wanted to go home. I just really absolutely did not want to be there whatsoever. And to top it off I made a fool of myself and had a slight asthma attack on the run back to the police station. It was extremely embarrassing.

We got an hour break and ... I dunno. Somewhere during that break between the calming down, trying to breathe again, and crying, I realized that forcing myself to do something that I don't enjoy anymore is pointless. If I don't enjoy it - I won't get any better at it. I just couldn't do it anymore.

So at the night practice I talked to the Novice coach and explained it to him. I wasn't going to lie to them and say that my grades were slipping or whatever. (not that the people who quit under that reason were lying) I told him the truth, and he appreciated it. Then I got the novice girls team together and I told them. It was hard, and I was still upset and my body kept trying to start crying for some reason, but they really deserved for me to tell them face to face. Not hear it second hand from the coach when I just suddenly stopped showing up.

So. That's it. I did NOT quit because it was hard. Don't get me wrong, it is a hell of a workout, but thats not it. If I still enjoyed it and it was hard, I would just work harder. But it had become something that wasn't ... good for me.

Part of me feels really disappointed in myself. Because I kept saying I would make it to the end of the semester. And I feel like I let the other girls down. And because of this that part of me also expects everyone to look at me and be like "Ugh E's a quitter." or something. When I'm not.

The other part of me feels really relieved, and knows that I did what was right for me. I feel more at peace and not so incredibly stressed-out/depressed or whatever. And I am really, really, really glad to be home.

So. I know not a lot of people read this but... this is what happened, and why. This is just me, being honest. I don't know why I'm sounding so dramatic right now. But... it really is just me. I need to know my limitations and I need to do what's best for me when the situation calls for it. So. There you have it.

Now I'm back home, absolutely exhausted, and ready for bed. So goodnight. I think writing this out has just allowed me to create a better peace about it, and get it all straight in my mind so I won't worry. I feel better.

PS: If I do get to go to Korea- I'll let you know. And if you want something, I won't mind looking for it for you. But no promises. And I didn't say that if I got accepted I wouldn't go - I probably would. But the probablity I actually get accepted is rather low. So we'll see.

I don't know...

2008-03-24T04:44:06Z

So I got the Merry mood theme working. Yay! I'm happy. It only took forever to set up. Now my lj is officially all Merry-fied. Yes.

I don't know what to talk about. The last few posts have been very ugh so.. I'm going to try to cover the stuff that's been happening lately.

Well. Last Tuesday Crew was cancelled for the weather, so I went to the Paintball Wars the SAB was putting on because my roommate is on SAB and she was working it. I went in Paintable clothes just in case, but I really didn't want to get painted. But the other novice girls were there and they saw me and came over and were like "Oh E you look sooo unpainted..."

So I realized I had two choices:
1 - Say no and have even more disrest be born in the boat ... or
2- Let them attack me and have team bonding.

So being the wonderful person that I am, I let them attack me. The really sad thing is that since then I've actually noticed a difference in their attitudes towards me. Isn't that sad?

Anyway. When they were attacking me again later, they all had the squishy balls with paint, and I had nothing. So I ran and dipped my hands in the buckets of paint then turned around and yelled "I may not have any balls but I have wet fingers!!!"

...

Yeah. Good job. I lose.

Anyway. This week is Spring Break. And we're going to have training. I really really really really really really really really really don't want to go. I can't express to you how much I don't want to go. Every time I think about having to back tomorrow I get really sad and upset. Not upset maybe. Oh, forget it. I give up.

I just really want to stay home for a while. Is that so bad?

Anyway. I'm supposed to find out if I got accepted to go to Korea this summer or not near the end of March. The bad part is that half of me is hoping I didn't get accepted. I know I probably didn't, so I shouldn't have too much to worry about. It's not that I wouldn't go... I don't know. UGH. FORGET THIS TOO.

I can't talk about anything without sounding like I'm trying to feel constantly sorry for myself and its pissing me off. I have a headache and I don't feel well so I'm just going to go now. Goodnight.

Annoyed

2008-03-18T03:27:01Z

So. Today. Just sucks. Or something.
For some reason, I'm in a super horrible bad mood today.
Certain people (actually a majority of people in general) have just been grating on my last few nerves today.
I do not know why.

Ok. Enough with the one lines. Ugh. See? It's even gotten to the point where I'm annoying me. Every time I do something, I think "wow that was stupid/annoying." It's bugging the crap out of me.

So. Today. Got the Mucc discography. About half way through the Ayabie discography. Thats probably the only good things. Besides I got to talk to Van and Kami for the first time in like a week today.

Otherwise... we got our schedule for spring training for Crew. And O.M.G. I'm going to die. Seriously. And what the crap is up with the schedule anyway? I realize they were trying to make it funny, but its just stupid. To me. This could be due to the fact that I am in a bad mood. I don't know. But it's stuff like:

Thursday: 7am - 11 am = Getting some sun on the water (aka - rowing)
2pm - 6 pm = So much fun you'll pee your pants!
7pm - 10 pm = Some intense, beyond all measure of punishing workouts.

Seriously. That's word for word. Except I switched up some times and stuff cause I didn't feel like making a real day. But those three are all on there as 'to-do's. wtf?

Anyway. To top that off I have 6:30 practice tomorrow. I really really dont want to go. But I haven't been able to go for like two weeks so I should go. Tomorrows probably going to be a bad day. Just like today. And like Wednesday will be. And Thursday until classes are over and I can go home.

Ugh. This is supposed to be a good happy journal. I better think of something good to say.
...
I don't know. I get to go home Thursday. But then I have to come back monday morning for training. Sigh. I'm so down. I'm stressed out, I'm sick of school, I really need a break but I'm not getting one thanks to SOME THINGS. THAT I HAD TO JOIN. UGH.

Yes, I realize it's my own fault for thinking I needed to do something good. But... whatever. I don't care.

Anyway. Now that my whining/bitching is done.... I'm going to bed.

I apologize if you read this. I've already ranted elsewhere. But... I don't know. I'm trying really hard to not sound emo and its not working.

Damnit. =_=

Merry makes my world go round. I want more Gara pictures. Unfortunately, I will have to do that another time. So. Until then... I don't know. Nevermind. They're a good band ok? =_=

So...

2008-03-11T02:53:36Z

I have a new journal layout. Yay. It's Merry. I love Merry.

I just sat here for like an hour trying to set up a Merry Mood Theme and it didn't work. I'm pissed.

I am so freaking exhausted. I don't even know how to explain how exhausted I am.

And I hurt both of my knees. Like... they were bleeding. I kinda fell in RaquetBall. But... whatever.

I still have so much freaking work. I'm never going to get it done at this rate. I didn't get anything done today. I want to go to bed. I think I'll go take a shower and then go to bed around 10:30.

I really don't want to go to 6:30 am practice. Maybe I won't. It's not like they need me. All I do is lag behind because I'm so slow.

I'm going now. Sorry. I'm so tired.

Uuuuuuugh.

2008-03-05T06:54:39Z

I hate people. I hate people so so... SO much.

My godforsaken idiotic neighbors were being REALLY loud again, so I actually called the CA this time. Because it was past 11 and there was absolutely no reason for them to have the tv that loud and be yelling that much. Well I heard the CA come up to their room and it was basically like: "Hey guys... yeah we have people complaining... yeah its not a big deal I just gotta do my job ya know... yeah so just try to be a little quieter maybe... lol... ok guys... ok -jokes around with them- Ok bye guys..."

Which didn't fucking help at ALL.

Then the neighbors start laughing even LOUDER and I can hear them going like, "Omg... I guess it came from this room?" And then they started knocking on the wall. YES. KNOCKING ON THE FUCKING WALL. I was about to go over there and punch it as hard as possible, but I know I could probably put a hole in it, so I didn't. (I'm not trying to act impressive saying i'm strong enough to punch through walls, but Mark did it, and these walls are not that thick, and I've already put one in Jason's wall with the freakin door.... That's all my sayin.)

But then they started being quieter so. My temper is still not gone though.

I guess I'm just really emo/bitchy/whatever because I found out today that... I basically can't go home again until the semester is over and we have to actually move out of the dorms. I can go home for Easter, but I mean... it's Easter. I'm assuming all my friends are going to be doing family things all that weekend. I mean, I'm assuming I'll probably do some kind of family thing (even though my family isn't very coordinated like that x_x) over Easter. Then I come back for Spring Break Training. Then the next weekend we go to Tennessee, then the next weekend they decied we needed to have a car wash, then the next weekend we go BACK to Tennessee, then the next weekend I actually don't have a meet.... but Finals are the week after that so I'll have to stay here to study!

I guess this just doesn't bother anyone else on the team. Maybe I'm just a wimp. I mean, I would like to go home some time, but it's not just that. It's also how any time to do anything other than school or crew is slowly dwindling into nonexistance.

And for some reason I constantly feel sick. I felt better the latter half of today but I feel bad again. I think I'm just going to go to bed rather than finishing my work. I'll do it tomorrow. -sigh-. Goodnight. Sorry for making emo posts. I'll make a happy one one day. Maybe.

Random Update

2008-03-03T06:03:32Z

Yeah, I haven't updated in forever. (Obviously). Nothing much of interest has happened. Well, I mean I guess maybe it has but nothing I feel like remembering at the moment or taking the time to type out.

I guess... I thought going home for a weekend before not being able to go home for like a month and a half would make me feel better, but it only made it worse. I'm really homesick, and it could just be from being tired. I don't know. I can't explain it.

Sorry this is a random emo-like post. I know this was supposed to be a good/happy journal but, whatever.

I really don't want to go to class tomorrow. Or Crew. Or get up at all for that matter. And then Tuesday we have 6:30 AM practice. Last week's made me sick. I know most people are like "Getting up in the morning and doing a workout gets you pumped and ready for the day! You'll be able to concentrate better!"

Sorry, but no. Early morning workouts make me sick. I feel horrid the rest of the day, and I constantly feel like I'm going to puke. Not to mention, I had shinsplints. Which isn't the end of the world in and of itself, I know everyone gets them. But I don't care.

I guess I should go to bed before I bitch about everything else. I don't know what's wrong. I think I need a long break. Not like a month (like Christmas), but maybe just like... a week. Something long enough where I don't have to worry about going back to school for a few days, but nothing so short (like a weekend) where it doesnt even really make a difference. But no, I had to give my Spring Break up to Crew.

Although, I do think it's kind of sneaky to not mention you have extra practices like this until AFTER everyone is signed up, and working out, and training, and raising their money and paying dues. I would rather have been told all this shit up front, you know? But then again, I'm tired. If anyone on Crew read this I'd probably get kicked off.

I mean, it's not like I hate Crew or anything. It's quite the contrary, I enjoy it. Very much. But... knowing you're the slowest/worst one on the team isn't exactly a selfesteem booster. And when hardly anyone really talks to you, and when you say stuff to them you either get ignored or get looks like "Wow you're an idiot.", that doesn't exactly help either. (Only certain people do the latter though... So it doesn't really count. There are people like that in every group/sport/thing).

Gah, and I need to order Pride and Prejudice for my Jane Austen class because the stupid bookstore never got the thing in. UGH. College is pissing me off. Yes, it's better than highschool. Yes, there are good people here. Yes, the classes are good and intersting. But ... then again... I'm tired. And just bitching.

So now I'm going to end my bitching post. You know what's funny? I always wonder why people get online and complain and bitch where everyone can see, and yet here I am doing it. Lol, I'm such a hypocrite. Oh well, I don't care at the moment. Not a lot of people read my LJ anyway so... it's not exactly the same thing. It's not like I'm posting this on facebook where I have the entire college and Crew team friended or anything.

Geez. I dislike myself sometimes. Oh well. I'll learn to deal with it. Ok. Goodnight. Sorry if you actually read through this. =_=;

Random Quote of the Day, from Charlie Bartlett: "I mean, look at me. I'm as fit as a fucking fiddle."

;D Yeah.

After Valentine's Day...

2008-02-17T17:40:31Z

Lol, I haven't updated in so long. I'm currently finishing off the box of chocolates I got..... From my roommate's Mom. >_>; Lol, valentine's was the exact way it is every year : Completely uneventful. But I'm not complaining. It's better than having something bad happen. I think I may even prefer nothing happening, cause if something ever did I wouldn't know how to deal with it. xD

Anyway. I got my friend Sophie to watch Howl's Moving Castle, and she absolutely loved it. She got so excited about it, she was like "I wanna watch everything this guy has ever made now! I have to make the other girls watch this too!" And I was like "o.o ... I made a monster..."

Hmm. Oh, I yelled at Thomas the other day. Well I guess it was like a week ago now. But we were in Corey and Jason's room, and Corey and Sarah (who are dating now) were just like flirting cutsey like with each other. Nothing bad, just like she would put her head on his shoulder, and they touched noses once. But it's not like they were making out or anything.

Well, Sarah left the room to go to bed, and right when she shut the door behind her, Thomas turned around to Corey and he was like "Do you think that could have been ANY more obvious?!" And Corey was in such a good mood, he didn't let it bother him so he was just like "Well, I dunno, maybe. :D"

Well the entire situation pissed me off, and I'm glad that Corey was able to brush it off, but... I was tired (it was midnight and we were doing math), I had a migraine, and I couldn't figure out the last math problem. So I was like "THOMAS. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM? YOU'RE BEING SO FUCKING RUDE." And Thomas was like "Well that's not what I was meaning..." So I yelled back, 'I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WERE MEANING, IT WAS RUDE AND YOU'RE A FUCKING BASTARD SO SHUT UP." And he said something else under his breath so I crumpled up a piece of paper, threw it at him, and left. Then he sent me some sappy-ass apology on facebook saying he was just depressed this time of year because he didn't know anybody who thought of him as 'datable'. I was like wtf...

Anyway. I started playing MapleStory again. I got my friends Jason and Sophie into it too. Now I just have to convince Kami, Van and Nick to get on and we can have a big ol' party. Yeah!

Ok, the wind is seriously getting annoying. It needs to stop. The weather just needs to stop. And Crew is killing me. Like... we got our prospective schedule and it almost makes me want to quit. But I think I'm going to tough it out for at least the rest of the semester. And I wanna know if I got accepted to that Korea thing! I'm tired of waiting! >.< Sigh... I'm so impatient.

I'm gonna go work now, so I'll try to make more updates later. Nothing else has happened I don't think. Although, it probably has and I just forgot about it. Hm. Maplestory yeah! ;D

Random Update

2008-02-02T03:24:17Z

SO. I haven't updated in a while. XD My apologies... o.o

Lots of random drama/crap has been happening. But I won't write about that.

So, I'm doing a lot better in German. :D I got an A on my first test and my most recent vocab quiz. Oh I just realized I can check for the test we had today, allow me to do so... -a few minutes later- Lol, Dr. Schiketanz put the space for the test up but didnt put in the grade. So now, since its a 0 technically, my average says 55. >_> I don't like that... I want my grade! Lol I'm so impatient.

I'm so tired and sore. x_x I took my 2k test for today. Thats where you urg on the machine and go for a 2000 meter 'race' on it. You have to keep up your stroke rate and watch time and stuff. I actually did good according to the assistant coach. I don't understand all the numbers yet, but he said that I got under 10 which is super good for a novice. I was like "Yeah!"

But Thursday at Crew... was horrible. I have a big long rant/explanation that goes along with this but I don't particularly feel like typing it all out. But basically what happened was... we dropped The Force (the novice womens boat... and also the heaviest boat the crew team owns...) on the dock and the skeg (the part that steers... the one part you DO NOT BREAK) broke off completely. And when we/they dropped the boat the rigor caught on my knee so now I have a HUGE bruise, and a cut across the back of my hand in front of my middle and pointer fingers. It wasn't too bad a cut, it just kept bleeding a bit and they wouldnt let me fix it. x_x

Then SOMETHING (I really dunno what) happened while we were rowing and my oar like... pinned me down to the boat. It was horrible. It really doesnt help that I don't really ... click with the other girls? I mean... I know and understand I'm not the most outgoing person in the world, but they all like huddle together and talk and run together when we run and stuff. I'm just kinda... there. I actually have made efforts to talk to them and stuff, but they either don't really say anything or just reply with a notanswer then go on with each other. -_-; It doesnt help I'm ALWAYS the LAST one to finish running and they won't start anything else till everyone's done. So everyone just kind of watches me impatiently when we run. Sigh.

I realize I sound like I'm trying to feel sorry for myself but I'm really not. I'm just... saying. And rowing is like... insanely hard. x_x Well not insanely but its pretty hard. I know they keep saying we'll get better but I just want to stop being... bad. =_= Siiigh... Anyway.

I heard a story about two of my professors the other day... that I'm not sure I really needed to hear. Long story short, my female professor Dr. S asked my gay male professor Dr. J for some condoms (she didnt want to go to the store cause she thought she would run into students) and he offered to give her some lube too. She kept saying she didnt need it and he was like "Uh.. Yeah you do." And she was like "Uh... No I don't. I'm a woman, I make my own!" And he just didn't get it...

So then one of the girls in our class asked Dr. S if maybe Dr. J thought that she actually sat in her kitchen and like... brewed her own and after thinking for a few moments Dr. S was like "OMG I BET HE DOES O_O"

Well... now that its just sooo late at 9:30 I am exhausted and am going to go to bed. So... goodnight. I'm glad I'm home for the weekend too. Hooray. :D
... I feel like I have a fever. ;_;
... And I really want sushi but I'm literally broke and cant afford it. ;_;

Persona -Trinity Soul-

2008-01-26T06:06:45Z

Ok so... I've been watching Persona Trinity Soul. And it is like so freaking AWESOME. No one else is really watching it (I don't think), so I don't really have anyone to freak out with about it. >___<

But its soooo cool. I don't even know why I like it so much. Cause... its not even like my typical type of anime. But its SO GOOD. >_< Gut! Es ist gut! (German for 'it is good')

Speaking of German, I had my test today. And I did really well on it! :D I'm so proud of myself. I got a 93, which is an A, so I'm really happy. I'm feeling more and more accomplished.

In other news, I've been having strange feelings lately. That I can't really... pinpoint I guess. It's complicated. Nevermind.

Crew is still going well. We get to start rowing next week! I'm kinda worried though, cause once you get in the water you cant stop rowing till you redock... and I can't go very fast for very long like a lot of the other girls. Maybe I just need to quit before making a fool of myself. I dunno.

I finished my application to go to Korea. I don't know why I'll find out if I get accepted though. Although, honestly, I've never been so disappointed in an application before. I'm doubtful of getting it. The reasons being: 1- I'm a freshman. 2- I had no Koran experience to talk about whatsoever. 3- My GPA isn't exactly the highest thanks to Chemistry last semester. I'm sure there are other reasons, but... I'm still hoping. Although a part of my mind keeps thinking that I may not even be ready to go. Therefore, if I don't get accepted, I won't be upset. I'll just take it as a sign that I need to wait just a bit longer before embarking across the world.

Anyway. I need to go to bed. I have to get up in the morning to go urg with the assistant coach and then the girls and I are going to go to Royal Tea for lunch! I'm excited. I haven't been there since almost Halloween I think. o_o

... I have a lot of homework I need to do this weekend. >_> When am I gonna have time to just relax? T-T

UGH

2008-01-22T16:36:07Z

So I pretty much just failed my second German Quiz. I completely forgot all the family titles. My professor is going to think I'm an idiot.

And I woke up feeling extremely unwell this morning. If I still feel this way later this evening I'm not going to Crew. I have a lot of work anyway.

I'm getting the feeling this isn't going to be a good week.

So much for this being a happy journal. I'll try not to make angsting a normal thing in my entires. Promise. Dont' hold me too tightly to that though. Sigh.

Oh, I wrote those essays for the Korean thing but they suck. I'm supposed to show them to Davina (our deen) today, but... I hate having people read stuff I write. I really really hate it. At least in front of me. When I write my stories its fine cause I don't know when people sit down to read them and stuff. And I like comments. But on papers the only things that tend to get pointed out are the bad or wrong things. Ugh.

I'm hungry.

Round Two...

2008-01-21T08:25:25Z

So. Everyone pretty much got drunk again tonight. J, Z, and myself were the only sober ones. Again. And... thankfully no one really got sick as bad as last time but everyone was SUPER crazy.

I would go into detail but I just really dont feel like it. I think I'm having another one of those random bouts that I just have to get through. Ugh, ok this is going to sound so self dramatizing and I really dont mean it that way. But the majority of my life I've always had someone telling me what was wrong with me. Like I was too fat, not pretty enough, not sexy/appealing, too smart, the bookworm, antisocial, depressed, wore stupid clothing, etc etc. Whether it was super rude bully like people at school, the pretty girls, or just certain people at home... there's always kinda been someone.

Now, all of a sudden, there's no one doing that any more. And it is just blowing my subconcious crazy that its possible for people to just like me. I don't know why. So I keep jumping to these idiotic conclusions that people don't like me, but then I find out they actually think really highly of me and just... I dunno. It makes me tired.

Ugh. So now that you all think I feel sorry for myself (which I dont) or whatnot, I'm gonna go to bed. I'll talk about tonight later. Maybe tomorrow. Hopefully by then I'll have some Youtube videos as evidence to go along with the story. Goodnight.

[Hmm... this is supposed to be a happy journal. I guess I should say something happy before leaving so it meets the quota...]

I'm applying to go to Korea for an Intensive Language Program over the summer. The chances i'll get accepted are slim, but I'm applying anyway. I hope I get to do it. And Crew is going ok. Not quite so sore anymore, but I'm still just a little bit worried about balancing working out and the school work. I'm gonna have to just give the two week trial a go. -nod- And I'm not sure if I even have practice tomorrow... Hm.

Does this count? It better because I'm exhausted and I want to go to bed. So Good Night. <3

Drunken Night...

2008-01-19T07:37:16Z

No. It's not me. I didn't get drunk. I didn't even drink. But pretty much everyone else did. I don't think they'll read this so I suppose its safe to talk about it. I suppose I'll be nice and abbreviate their names to the first digit. Er... letter. >_> Whut...

So, my Roommate, E, came down and told me that everyone was up in Me's room playing drinking games. So I decide to go watch... and Holy ... Crap. Lol... maybe I'm only surprised cause I've never really been around drunk people before. I take that back, been around wasted people before.

So I get there and I see Ma falling around the living room. Uh. I can't remember everything in sequential detail, but the basics I think I can handle. So... K started hanging on me and hugging me and poking me in the chest and face and telling me basically... that she really loved me. And she loved me because I am an amazing person. And that I was her fantasy. And that she really really wanted me to succeed at Crew. Because I deserved it. And that I was a beautiful person and that she wanted me to be happy. Because I deserved to be happy. And that if any guy ever tried to fuck with me I should tell her because she would cut their balls off. And she didn't care if she went to jail. Because she'd be happy. And so on and so forth. Then she kissed me on the cheek.

Let it be known... this happened about five different times. She took turns going around to all the girls and telling them the basics of that. (Not Crew thats just me...)

Then Ma fell over on the floor in the bedroom so I had to help him up and carry him into the living room with Me. We were trying to lie him on his stomach on the couch but he kept rolling off. Then C kept asking if Ma wanted his shoes off and he just kept saying "Ok but... don't eat them. Please don't eat them." Then he got up and kept trying to walk again. And he was dancing weirdly. And taking his shirt off. E had to put his shirt back on and she just said to me " I just dressed a toddler..."

Then Kev was... just super freaking hyper. Like a two year old. Omg. x_x He told E that Ma liked her but she was like "Well I don't like him like that..." and then he kept freaking out that he had told her even though she technically already knew... And then E started freaking out about how she was getting tired of all the guys liking her and she didn't know why they did.

Anyway, so ... K got sick. Me, S, and I took care of her. She ended up asleep on S's couch. Then Ma got sick in his own bathroom and I think they got him situated in his bed. Everyone else was pretty tipsy except for N, cause he'd been taking care of everyone till I got there. Then when I got there he took out his own personal bottle... lol... it was pretty crazy. So I think I ended the night as the only one without any alcohol consumption.

Well... actually more went on than that. But it's late and I have to go Urg in the morning. x_x

Oh! We didn't have to run in the rain today! :,D We got to go to the WRAC and play basketball. Which I suck at but... I only fell three times, and the third time Hooker (yes thats his name) stepped on my ankle. But it doesn't hurt. At least not now. I think I did pretty well for not knowing a thing about basketball and I suck at ... sports in general. Lol, but I want to do well in Crew. I really do. And not just because K thinks I deserve it lol.

I'm SO sore though. Like... I can't even explain to you. It hurts to even just walk. I have to Urg in the morning so I hope it gets better by then. (Urging is a machine that you practice on for rowing. It's so freaking hard... ) K well I'm going to bed. Gnight! <3

What Was I Thinking...?

2008-01-18T16:33:00Z

Well, honestly, I was thinking I wanted to do something and get in shape again. So... I went out for crew. Crew itself is actually pretty cool. The whole boat thing. It's the running.

We had to run from the green house all the way to the light leading to front street and back again. I realize that means nothing to you at all. I think we ran approximately 3 miles. (Theoretically the run to and back was 2.2 miles, but we also ran to the stop sign and back, which I'm sure added a good bit. Maybe not a whole 3, but I think when rounded it's very close to 3.)

I'm so sore. And tomorrows going to be worse. (Sore I mean... It's always worse the second day...) Anyway. I get to run again tonight and then go up to the WRAC tomorrow and meet with the assistant coach. Then I'm going to MAKE myself run Sunday and Monday because I don't want to get behind again. Then it starts over on Tuesday. ... Hooray. -sarcasm-

I do want to be good at it though. But if it gets in the way of studying or anything I'll stop. Academics first. Well I gotta go to math soon, so I'm gonna go. I'm feeling kinda woozy. I'm really tired for some reason. It's like I can never get enough sleep. It's really annoying. Especially because I got almost 8 hours of sleep last night. Thats better than usual, and I'm still exhausted. -sigh- Darn you early mornings. Darn you to heck. T_T

PS: Versailles is coming to AKON19. Yep.

Tomorrow I Return...

2008-01-14T04:24:00Z

Yep. In eleven hours I begin my first class of the new semester. German. I'm somewhat scared/nervous. Cause there are only two other people in the class (Jason and Carl) and when I saw Jason I mentioned German and he was like:

"Oh yeah I spent all break like studying up on German and getting ready. I still mess up on the conjugations sometimes though. And I haven't looked over them since Friday I'm probably forgetting everything..."

I was just like: "WOW WTF GTFO NOOB"

>_>; So now I feel immensly unprepared. Bah. FINE. I'll just study harder than both of them and ace the class!!!! -determination-
But what if I'm actually really bad at German? ;_; What if I can't make the sounds right? ;_; What if the teacher tells me to stop making a fool of myself and stop trying?! >_<

Ok. -breathes- Nightmare = over.

Anyway, after that I get to face Applied Math. ... I suck at math.

Then is TnT. I'm actually looking forward to this class. I liked last semester's TnT.

And then Jane Austen. I'm really looking forward to this class because Dr. Stave is teaching it! She's so cool...

Somewhere during my day I have to figure out how to fit Fee Payment in there. And go get books. BLAH. =_= Well. Theoretically I don't have TOO many to get. Maybe. Ok maybe I do. BLAH.

Anyway. I dunno what else to say. On a random note, here are the anime I'm currently attempting to keep up with:

Dragonaut, Rental Magica, Persona -Trinity Soul-, Rosario to Vampire, Shugo Chara

Ok, Persona -Trinity Soul- is SO FREAKING GOOD >_O I've only seen the first episode but it DEFINITELY has promise! The art = Amazing. Music = relatively Amazing. Plot = Seems to be Amazing from first epsiode. If you have the change to give this show a watch, DO IT.

Anyway, Rosario to Vampire is SUCK A FREAKING HAREM SHOW. >_< I dunno why I'm watching it. I mean it IS cool when the girl transforms to her vampire persona. But ... its so haremy. There was a succubus and everything. ;_; -is a sad excuse for a person- lol...

Anyway. I guess I'm off. Laters! <333

Back To School...

2008-01-13T06:11:00Z

Yep, I'm back at school. Sitting in my dorm right now. Doing nothing but staring at the wall. I know my roommate is here (in town) but I think she went out to the pub with some people. Maybe I should just go to bed rather than wait around. Hm. Well, at least i got everything unpacked so I don't have to worry about that tomorrow. I'm excited and worried about classes Monday. >_< And I already miss my friends back home so much. ;__; -is a complete baby-

Anyway. I made it here safely. It got kinda hazy for a while though cause I hit an odd storm outside of the third town, and I guess the roads were still hot from the day because they were steaming like crazy. I almost couldn't see. And the rain was pretty bad, and it didn't help that I was in the middle of nowhere and that the moon was blocked by the clouds. Absolutely no light. =.=

Anyway. It's past my bedtime. Goodnight everyone. <3333

Super Angst Mode! >.

2008-01-12T12:15:35Z

Gah. I just finished Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer. I don't know what to say. When I tried to do a journal cut last time the link never worked so I'm just going to try my hardest to not say anything that might ruin it for anyone randomly reading this. What I will say though....

JACOB IS SUCH AN ANNOYING, WHINY, CHILDISH, UNDERHANDED, STUPID, CONNIVING, TRICKING, ..... THING. BLARARARARG!

Ok, allow me to explain myself. I liked Jacob at first. I really did. Because he gave Bella someone who she could connect with when she was having a hard time, and he was a good bestfriend. But I really did like him!
Then, the turned into a werewolf. Now, before I start getting random comments from people I dunno talking about how werewolves are liek omg teh best, allow me say... I have no problem with werewolves. (In fiction lol...) I mean, I actually think turning into a huge wolf is pretty freaking cool. I have NOTHING against him for being a werewolf.

What I do have against him is, after he changed, he suddenly becomes this bitchy little... whore. Ok, not literally whore, but what the hell man?! Some of that shit he pulled (ESPECIALLY later in Eclipse) was NOT COOL. I wannted to slap him. UGH. But I'd probably break my hand like Bella.

Speaking of Bella, she's annoying me too. I mean... I understand you've had it pounded in your head to not marry right out of high school, but is that really a valid reason for spazzing/freaking out and practically.... i dunno... insult the man youre in love with? I don't think so.

Anyway, I have to hurry.

The reason I'm angsty is cause i was looking up random stuff about Stephenie Meyers and this series, and she has such a huge freakin fan base. I've always wanted to be an author, to write stuff people love. And, no this is not about the publicity or popularity or anything, but I want like... to inspire people to read my stuff you know? And it seems like shes successfully done that after only one book/series. Do you know how rare that is? I mean... Stephen King had to send Carrie to like 13 different publishers before he actually got someone to even look at it longer that a minute.

I'm sure Ms Meyers put a lot of effort in too and that she wasn't accepted right away (if she was then damn...) but still. To become so well-known, popular, with booksignings that look like a con cause there are so many people? After your first series? Damn. I wanna be able to write so impressively. I wanna be able to capture people with my writing too.

Sob. Lol I'm angsting. I have such low self esteem that I'm desperately attempting to ignore the stupid voice(s) in the back of my head saying I'll never do it. Never make it or whatever. But I'm going to do it darn it all! I will become an author, if its the last thing I do! I dunno about being super popular (I don't want spotlight, just people to read...) I just... want to make a difference in a way? As cheesey and lame as this sounds books have made a huge difference in my life. I want to do that for other people too.

On a random note: My favorite author is still Tamora Pierce (sorry Ms Meyers...) I think its cause her books were the first ones that actually influenced me in such a dramatic way. And I've read every book in the realm of Tortall at LEAST seven times. >.> -is a nerd- Lol. Anyway, not to say I don't love Ms Meyers... I really do. I admire her a lot. And I don't mean to be a bad fan angsting over her characters lol... I just have opinions. Lol, there are some Tamora Pierce characters I don't like too, so dont think I'm partial! XD

Anyway, I'm going to bed. (Now that its like 6 AM... GG) I just needed to angst/rant a little about my ... dream(s)/hope(s) Lol. /end random stuff

PS: Jasper and Carlisle are two of my most favorite characters ever. And Edward of course, but he's a giveaway so I had to mention Carlisle and Jasper. :D Yeah~
PSS: Sorry for language.... >_>;

Really Horrible Dream...

2008-01-10T12:29:03Z

Yes, I realize it's Five AM. No, I have not been up all night. I actually went to bed around... 11:30 or 12. I think I fell asleep around 12 or a little after. Which is really good.

The reason I'm up is because I had... an absolutely horrible dream. I can't even pinpoint what was so horrible about it. But I mean... I haven't woken up this shaken or actually cried over a dream in a LONG time. I can't even remember the last time. But anyway. I just could not go back to sleep so I thought if I wrote it out it would help me forget about it and get sleepy again.
I don't wanna make a super long pointless post so I'll put it under a cut (I dunno why...)

Warning: This is Freaking LONG! I didn't mean for it to be long. I'm Sorry! (Thats what cuts are for huh?)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I can't remember a whole whole lot about the dream itself. Well I do, but I do know there was a lot at the beginning but I have no idea what it was. The setting was... in Natchitoches at my school. But it wasn't my school... like it looked different. Anyway, for some reason I wasn't living at the dorm, but in a... house? But it was a huge NICE house... Like big screen tvs, lots of furniture and decorating... I dunno how I afforded it lol...

Anyway, apparently there was a classroom in the top of the house? And the class we had in it was only for people that lived in this house. Then I found out that... the house was reserved for people with some kind of ..... power? (Lol... XMen...) I dunno. Apparently my power was something really miniscule and stupid, so everyone else made fun of me. My roommate was this really pretty girl with white blonde hair (like the girl that plays Luna in the HarryPotter movies...) but she was really happy and nice to me. And I don't really remember any other girls in the dream till later. So she and I were the only ones in the house...

You had basically every type of dude there. The jock, the nerd, the emo, the player, the joker, the gay. Anyway, so when we had that class up on the top floor (maybe the attic?... It was just a plain white room...) The professor always wrote stuff on the board. He actually looked like a professor I had last semester now that I think about it. Anyway, most of the students made fun of him and threw stuff at him, except for me, my roommate, and these two boys. So to us four he was really nice and always gave us treats and stuff.

Well one day he showed us these little red circle jewel things... I forgot the explanation he gave of them. But I think they were something really rare and apparently dangerous if not handled properly. So we four were all like ooooh. And the five of us became apparently really close. Anyway. This is another gap where I don't remember alot. I do remember one day when we came in, he couldn't find the red circle jewel things. Apparently one of the annoying kids had disentigrated (sp?) them into dust, and it was in this odd pile on the floor. I just remember him coming up the four good ones of us and like checking our eyes and mouths and being like "Did you breathe any in? Are you ok? Did you touch it in any way?" Like he was really worried.

Ok, then some stuff happened but I don't really remember the order... I think it went that we somehow found out that our professor was actually... basically crazy. And a murderer. (How cliche...) But when we found out he was trying to make us drink this stuff that looked like a mix of hot chocolate and spiced tea. I was the only one who hadn't drank any yet, and apparently he had put the disentigrated (sp again...) red jewels in it. After a lot of yelling and arguing he made me drink it somehow... and I remember it hurting. I don't know why. For some reason the jewels had like a LOT worse effect on me that anyone else. (Everyone else just felt woozy, but I was in a lot of pain for some reason...)

So for the rest of the dream I remember constantly being in pain, exhausted, and ... like my skin would randomly crack and I'd bleed (mostly on my face) but then it would disappear. And I was always afraid to sleep so it got to the point where I was really pale with huge shadows under my eyes. I looked really bad.

Then, I distinctly remember this part, we had decided that maybe he really wasn't so evil at heart because he hadn't really acted any different towards us. For some reason they decided I should talk to him, so I went up to the hallway that was his with his room and bedroom (it was always off limits so going was really nervewracking...) Anyway I saw the jock guy in the hallway before I went through the door (I don't know why the hallway had a door) and he was coming out of the bathroom for some reason. Then I saw the professor, but he looked different, but I knew it was him, come out of his bedroom quietly.

((Gah I'm getting nervous just thinking about it again... I'm so lame)) Well when he came out of the bedroom he got this really ... scary look on his face. It made me think of a demon or monster, but he was obviously having fun. Somehow he managed to knock out the jock guy without even touching him, and dragged him back into his bedroom. I don't know how, but somehow I was able to see around corners without actually turning my head to look. So I moved my odd sight down the hall and peered around the doorway into his room. The jock guy was lying on the floor, and the professor guy (who still looked different. younger. he stayed younger the rest of the dream fyi) was naked (random?) and kneeling next to him, like waiting for him to wake up. Right before the jock guy woke up, the professor just killed him somehow. But it looked really painful... I can't explain it.

Then the professor like... suddenly looked up as if looking into my eyes even though I wasn't really there. He smiled really creepily, and just kind of patted the dead guy's face, but... I don't remember what was happening but I remember it being like really horrifying and disgusting and just wrong. So I snapped back to myself, and ran to find the others. Once I had explained to them what I'd seen (and I was crying I think...) We decided we needed to leave the house by force (we couldn't for some reason before...)

So we were sneaking down to get out and get help, but the professor just randomly appeared out of nowhere and started laughing. He was just like, "What exactly do you think you're going to accomplish?" And stuff. Then basically told us that he would kill anyone we told, and he'd kill us too if we did. We just had to be good and he wouldn't. I remember one of the guys asking why didn't he just kill us now, but he said he needed us for something. Or... something.

Anyway, somehow we all felt like we couldn't (I think it had to do with drinking that jewel stuff). But it was worse with me again. I was just constantly afraid of him after what I'd seen him do to the jock guy. I went to classes everyday, but everyone stayed away from me so I had no one to talk to. For some reason I believed no one would listen to me anyway.

Then (super randomly...) my bestofriend Kami was randomly staying at this house behind ours, but on top of a hill. I think Van and Nick were with her too. And my blonde roommate's parents. And Kami's parents. And he randomly allowed us to go visit them, but he constantly kept telling us what he would do if we told them anything. And somehow I always remembered him killing the jockkid. Well, getting to see kami and the guys was apparently a HUGE relief, cause I had pretty much been living in solitude for a long time. (We had stopped talking to each other in the house, cause the professor was always suddenly there to listen to us. It was weird...)

Anyway, obviously Kami noticed right away that something was the matter. And after taking a second look at my degraded state, the guys picked up on it too. And Kami's parents. They were all trying to figure out what was wrong, and asking me, but I was so afraid the Professor would kill them that I just kept saying "It's stress! It's stress!" And it made me even more nervous because, for some reason, the Professor decided that, out of the four of us he had with the jewel stuff, he needed to go out with me and my friends that night.

Nick and Van drove in a separate car, but Kami and I were in the front seat of my car (I drove) with her parents and the professor sitting in the back. I would constantly look back there in the rear-view mirror and every time he somehow knew I was looking so he would look back and give me this "I know what you're thinking." stare. I was really jumpy the whole night and.... nervous and edgy and ... bleh. I think feeling like that in the dream made me actually feel it which might be why I was so affected by it when I woke up.

Anyway, so I don't remember what happened going out and stuff. But I remember I decided I really needed help and that if anyone could understand me without me having to actually say it outloud (cause that seemed to be how he picked up on everything) it was Kami. So i convinced her to go to the restroom with me and I kept pointing back in area where everyone else was, then like slicing a finger across my neck, and just trying to get her to understand anything I was trying to get across. She picked up that we needed to not talk, so she didn't. But somehow, he knew again, and he was at the door and was yelling in, "Hey, are you sick in there? Are you alright?" So I gave her this look, looked at the door, then looked back at her and I think she got more than... normal people should have lol.

So for some reason on the way back I started getting really desperate, feeling like something was going to happen. So when we got the house they were staying in, he and her parents got out, but I grabbed her arm before she got out and just whispered "Help me." really softly. So we got out of the car, and he said he had something to 'take care of', and gave me this look before disappearing off to who knows where. Once he was gone, we went into the house they were staying in (because i wanted to stay with them longer). Kami's parents went to bed (I think) and Kami and the guys were trying to hog me again for details.

I just kept saying "I can't say, I can't say," but I think I started crying. Then I heard someone scream. I ran outside, feeling like really... nervous and worried more than before, and when I got downstairs I could see through the windows and my blonde roommate was out there. I ran out to her and... I don't quite remember exactly what she said but she kept telling me to "Get back to our room". Then she and her parents were running to a car, but I saw the Professor behind a tree, with that crazy smile on his face. Somehow I knew she had told her parents, and I tried to get her to not go cause I knew he would get them, but she kept saying it would be ok and they left.

Of course, by then, Kami and the guys were like "WHUT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!" I convinced them to go back to their house and I'd see them the next day. Then I went back into the house I lived in. It was unnaturally quiet, like eerily quiet. And there was something just wrong about the house. I went really slowly up the stairs to my roommate and my's room, but it was the same. I went to the two guys' room, but there was like a big blood stain on the floor. They weren't there though. I started getting really freaked out and kind of hyperventilating. I went back to my room and started tearing it apart, and I eventually found something from my roommate she had hidden for me. I have absolutely no idea what it was though. I don't remember.

So I hid the thing in my back pocket (I think it was some kind of note) and braved going back out into the house. For some reason I felt like I needed to find the two guys. I followed some really small droplets of blood, but I think they went into the Professor's hallway. I really couldn't face going in there, so I didn't. Instead I think I went up to the classroom. No one was in the house, and it was just.... So freaking nervewracking.

Then like... it was either Van or Nick but one of the turned a corner at the same time I did and I ran into them, and I thought it was the professor so I started screaming and freaking out. As if they weren't convinced something was wrong before, they decided they had to take me away. We went down, and we took the back stairwell into the living room for some reason. When we got down there, no one was there at first, but when we went to walk into the Kitchen, the Professor was sitting on a couch behind us and said something that got our attention.

He was talking with the three of them for a while. I don't even remember what about. He offered us drinks, but when I didn't take them the three of them didn't either. Ok, .... Something BIG happened here but I don't remember what. The Professor was mad at the other three of the original four of us, because he had had to kill them and I was the only one left I think. But ... I knew that Kami and the guys were in really bad danger here for some reason. Ugh, I wish I remembered exactly what was going on, but all I remember is knowing that if I didn't do something to get them out he was going to kill them or something.

Somehow I was in the kitchen, and I found this flute/recorder thing and I started playing it really loudly. (This part is just random...) Somehow when I played it, these huge... bug/monster things randomly popped out of nowhere and basically destroyed the living room. That stopped the Professor somehow. And with a huge gaping hole in the wall, I practically had to scream at Kami and the guys to leave. Finally they went back to the other house (they were safe there for some reason?).

Then I remember being in a lot of pain again, the Professor being mad at me but knowing he couldn't kill me because I was the only one left of the four or something... And apparently I found out somehow that by drinking that red jewel stuff, he had the ability to take our powers or something? And I said that my power was really lame/stupid so that didn't make sense. Why us four? And he said because we were the only ones that had trusted him. I said that didn't make any sense either and all he said was "Of course." I think he reached for me but that was when I finally woke up.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

[[Uhm. Ok, I dunno if it's just my computer, but the cut link isn't working. If you really wanted to read this, then click on the leave a comment thing and it'll pop up there. Sorry. I just suck at LJ stuff...]]

So. That was long. Anyway, when I woke up (I had apparently fallen asleep with the lamp on thank GOD) I just felt so horrible and weary and disgusted and .... I can't explain it. But with me being paranoid like I am, I had to go check the doors and make sure they were still locked and everything. But thanks to the f***ing squeaky door my dad woke up and came in there. I said it was just me and he asked what I was doing, and when I tried to say "I had a really bad dream, and I woke up so I was checking the locks." I started crying. =_= /is super lame/

He went back to bed, and I got something light to eat to settle my stomach, but when I came back in my room I kept crying. Not like bawling or anything, just tears and sniffling. Ugh. I feel so stupid. I can't even explain why it bothered me so much. It was just really horrible. I'm not gonna be able to sleep without a light for a while, cause my room is pitch black at night. I can't even see my hand in front of my face. -sounds like a baby-

The weird thing is, I can take like lots of little stuff out of that dream and tell you where it came from stuff in real life. But I wont go into that right now. I'm exhausted again. I think typing this out helped. I'm going to try to go back to sleep. If you actually sat through this whole thing, I apologize. -.-

PS: Random but... Kami/Van/Nick... thank you for being alive. Plz stay that way. KTHNX. =_=;;;;;

Random Phone Conversation...

2008-01-09T19:05:05Z

So this is a random phone conversation I just had with Moyashii :

Moyashii: I wanna send Miyavi a fanmail...

Me: You should! I sent Kagrra like five...

Moyashii: !! I dunno what to say!!

Me: .....ewwwwww.....

Moyashii: Whut? o.o

Me: ;.; I thought this was chocolate covered raisin but its a chocolate covered coffee bean! Bleh....

Moyashii: xD .... -laughing-

Me: Waaaah~ It's all in my mouth!

Moyashii: -still laughing- Well yeah!

Me: No... you know how usually if you eat something on the side of your mouth it kinda stays there? This exploded... it's all over now ;_;

Moyashii: -still laughing-

Me: STOP LAUGHING T_T

Moyashii: IM NOT.... -is really-

-fast forward five minutes-

Me: Bleeeeh... I have coffee bean turds all in my mouth... T_T

The End.

Ugh. Nasty little buggers.

But the good news? Core is still as awesome as ever! :3

Core - Kagrra

2008-01-09T06:33:51Z

Zomg Zomg Zomg!!! ~~~ Core came out today!! It's only... completely totally SUPERSPECIALORGASMICALLYSEXYAWESOME... GO!
...
Yes I said Orgasmically Sexy. >_> ITS TRUE DAMMIT.

Ok. I was gonna go into a playbyplay of each song. But then I decided I'm too tired. Lol. I'm exhausted actually. I didn't get any sleep last night and then I got up early to go out with Moyashii and Yumehito. We had a lot of fun.

First we went to ULM so Yume could check something and Moyashii could buy a book. Then we went to ... Yume 's house again so she could get her debit card. Off to the mall we went...

And we ate ChickFilA. It didn't taste very great... and I couldn't even finish half of it. (I usually finish all... I hate wasting food). Then we went down to GameStop, and on the way there the straightener people would NOT LEAVE US ALONE. The guy walks up all like "EXCUSE ME HAVE YOU HEARD OF OUR CLEARANCE SALE? HAVE YOU HEARD OF OUR CLEARANCE SALE? HAVE YOU HEARD OF OUR CLEARANCE SALE? HAVE YOU HEARD OF OUR F***ING CLEARANCE SALE?!!"

I tried to be nice and say "No thank you" but he was like "WELL HAVE A GOOD DAY. HAVE A GOOD F***ING DAY." (Well not really... that was for effect...)

Anyway so we got to Gamestop and moyashii exchanged her Guitar Hero III controller. And Yume got FFXII Revenant Wings. Then we all go ice cream. I got Yume's cause... well its just not right for only two people to have icecream. You have to eat it together. Then Van came out of nowhere and sat with us before turning in an application at Express.

After this, we went down to Journeys so I could look at shoes. (I need a new pair...) There were these really cool ... pug(?) boot things but everyone kept saying no. ;.; I liked them... Oh well. Maybe I'll go back and get them when no one's looking >.> ... <.<....

Anywho, then moyashii had to be home so we left. On the way back we went through this storm, and it was bad for a few minutes. We couldn't really see too far in front of us at one point. o.O But we made it safely. -.-+

Then I got home and did nothing for the rest of the day lol. I actually got super tired earlier but right before I was gonna go to bed I found the Core CD! O_o So of course I had to download it. (AND ITS SO WONDERFUL)

Oh, I also typed up a discography list for An Cafe, Merry, and Kagrra. If anyone would like a copy let me know. I also have all the music. So if anyone would like something, please feel free to ask. :) I love to share! (Not that I've ever been able to before but still... >.>)

Hm. I dunno what else to say. I wanna go to bed. So I'm gonna put Core on my MP3 player and go to sleep to it. :) Yay. Huzzah, KAGRRA!
I love Kagrra~
I love Kagrra~
Yeah yeah yeah~~
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
-is in kagrra heaven~

Absolutely Nothing

2008-01-08T03:07:30Z

Lol, that's what I did today. Absolutely nothing. I actually woke up at 11 (gasp!) but only for about five minutes. Then I accidentally fell back asleep. (Damn!) And woke up at 3.... >___>

Well. I'll HAVE to get up tomorrow. Cause I'm going out with

moyashii and teufel

I don't know why this put their names on a new line.... Hm. Oh well. Anyway, I'll have to get up early for that. I wonder where we're going to eat lunch... Hm... >.>

Anywho. I got the Merry discography today! And I finished the other, and I got SuG, and I downloaded some random music PVs. Yay!

Random: The sound on this laptop is really LOUD through headphones. >_O It's on two (out of 100) and I already can't hear anything else in the room. x_x That can't be good... >.> I'm afraid to turn it up to 100! (But I'm also really curious... >.>)

I have this random urge to draw/write/do something creative! >_o I dunno why. I think... I might try to finish my CoredanxLondel picture tonight. And then write a new chapter of WDK. And I want to make a cool wallpaper/layout for Japanese Modernist! >_< But I suck at graphics so I can't... ;.; Have I mentioned that's an awesome song? >.> Yeah I thought so.

Anyway. My day was boring. We had really yummy spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread for dinner. ,D: <--drool? It was teh good.

As soon as all the stuff I'm downloading right now finishes, I'm going to my room so I can unzip all the music I got today and work on whatever creative stuff. That wireless I was leeching as started acting up (cutting me off every two minutes.... literally) It's so annoying! -___-; My dreams of lying in bed and checking email at the same time have been dashed once again. ;_;

Random: I downloaded a Kra musicvideo to see if I liked them (cause Iike everyone else from PSCompany...) But... I don't think I like it. :/ Maybe it was just that one song. And I didn't particularly like the PV. It seemed rather unimaginative to me. But I'm not going to talk bad about it because yesterday I stumbled on a website where some dude was just murdering Merry's good name. -_- I was very offended for one of my favorite bands. -sob-

I still can't beat Lou on Hard on Guitar Hero III. >_O It's so freaking frustrating!!! GRABLARBLAHGRA!!!! >____<###

-sigh- Anyway. This one thing is taking forever to download. I wonder if I could make the wireless work. =_= Probably not. I can try though. Sob. Guess I'll go. This was kind of a boring entry anyway, huh?XD Heheh... my bad <.<

The Motherload...

2008-01-07T09:09:00Z

So... it's like 3 AM. -.-; I HONESTLY mean to be in bed like two or three hours ago... but then this website I found earlier today came back online after disappearing for a while. I swear, I've hit the motherload of Jrock! ;.; It's so wonderful~ They have... well everything. Ok maybe not EVERYTHING but... close to it.

So yeah. I did absolutely nothing today. At all. Woke up about 3... (AGAIN DARN IT....) Then sat around on my laptop. Took a shower. Ate a hamburger. Ate OliveGarden leftovers. Freaked out about the motherload. Used speculatory analysis on a friend's situation. Hmm... then sat here and downloaded stuff forever. Oh yeah, and got really mad at my internet that kept kicking me off!!! =_= BLAH.

Oh and I got to talk to my roommate today. :D She's doing well, which is good. We were talking about how we dont want to go back, but at the same time we want to get back to Natchitoches. Then we realized: What are we gonna do over summer?! Thats like a 3 month break compared to three weeks. XD Oh well. I mean, I love my friends here (SO MUCH) but I'm ready to learn too! D:< (Well, maybe not learn....) ... (I can't explain it... >_>)

Anywho. I'm kinda thirsty. But if I get caught up this late I'm dead. o.o; I HAVE to get my sleep back on track before I go back. Seriously. Ok, I will start tomorrow. (What a cliche thing to say...) But I really will. Tomorrow night my goal is... midnight. Yes. Midnight. Sounds like a plan. I'll let you know if it works (Which is probably wont but... whatever...)

So I got to listen to Merry's new CD today! (M.E.R.R.Y.) It's so awesome! Well, I like it anyway. There's one song thats like... super screamo but it's ok. XD Then I listened to an old single of theirs called "Japanese Modernist" and its kinda screamo at the beginning but I really love the second half of the song. I think I might be getting used to the screamo parts... uhoh! Lol... XD

Anyway. I'm trying to get this stuff downloaded tonight so... well I can't say cause one of them might read this. >_> ... <_< But I have a plan. I'll tell you about it after I put it into play. Mwa ha ha. >:3+

Ok, Goodnight/morning!

Ooooh!

2008-01-06T22:30:14Z

Look at my new background!!! :D Isn't it the coolest?! I would like to thank chmclfairytales
She did an awesome job! Her and another girl post lots of graphics on aph_rodisia
I would definitely suggest going and taking a look! They have super special awesome talent and I would never have come to have such a wonderful kagrra, layout without them. :D+ <3<3<3

Anyway. I woke up about 3 again today. -_- Sigh. I really really meant to wake up at like... 10 or 11. I even set my alarm on my phone and everything. It just never happens. =_= I think tonight I'll take some medicine and go to sleep. Hopefully. I need to get my sleep back on track for school next week. (The horrors!)

Well. I have lots of books and stuff to read. I think I'll go spend my evening doing that. Unless my dad carts me off to Mr. Lamar's again to sing old hymns. =.= whut?

Lol... anyway. I leave you with this highly amusing Kagrra video that someone so eloquently subtitled... XD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VJmuapqFUA

Hm. I can't figure out how to do a ... nevermind. I give up. Lol... I suck at this fancy stuff. XD It took me forever to get this layout up because i couldn't figure out how to go to S1 style! I'm such a noob. ;_; ((In all honesty they hid the button on that new... fancified layout thingy! >_> I swear!))

Byebye! I luv you!