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irodorinosanka
23 March 2008 @ 11:11 pm
I don't know...  

So I got the Merry mood theme working. Yay! I'm happy. It only took forever to set up. Now my lj is officially all Merry-fied. Yes.

I don't know what to talk about. The last few posts have been very ugh so.. I'm going to try to cover the stuff that's been happening lately. 

Well. Last Tuesday Crew was cancelled for the weather, so I went to the Paintball Wars the SAB was putting on because my roommate is on SAB and she was working it. I went in Paintable clothes just in case, but I really didn't want to get painted. But the other novice girls were there and they saw me and came over and were like "Oh E you look sooo unpainted..."

So I realized I had two choices: 
1 - Say no and have even more disrest be born in the boat ... or
2- Let them attack me and have team bonding.

So being the wonderful person that I am, I let them attack me. The really sad thing is that since then I've actually noticed a difference in their attitudes towards me. Isn't that sad? 

Anyway. When they were attacking me again later, they all had the squishy balls with paint, and I had nothing. So I ran and dipped my hands in the buckets of paint then turned around and yelled "I may  not have any balls but I have wet fingers!!!"

...

Yeah. Good job. I lose.

Anyway. This week is Spring Break. And we're going to have training. I really really really really really really really really really don't want to go. I can't express to you how much I don't want to go. Every time I think about having to back tomorrow I get really sad and upset. Not upset maybe. Oh, forget it. I give up.

I just really want to stay home for a while. Is that so bad? 

Anyway. I'm supposed to find out if I got accepted to go to Korea this summer or not near the end of March. The bad part is that half of me is hoping I didn't get accepted. I know I probably didn't, so I shouldn't have too much to worry about. It's not that I wouldn't go... I don't know. UGH. FORGET THIS TOO.

I can't talk about anything without sounding like I'm trying to feel constantly sorry for myself and its pissing me off. I have a headache and I don't feel well so I'm just going to go now. Goodnight.

 

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Current Location: home
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: Merry
 
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irodorinosanka
10 January 2008 @ 04:46 am
Really Horrible Dream...  
Yes, I realize it's Five AM. No, I have not been up all night. I actually went to bed around... 11:30 or 12. I think I fell asleep around 12 or a little after. Which is really good. 

The reason I'm up is because I had... an absolutely horrible dream. I can't even pinpoint what was so horrible about it. But I mean... I haven't woken up this shaken or actually cried over a dream in a LONG time. I can't even remember the last time. But anyway. I just could not go back to sleep so I thought if I wrote it out it would help me forget about it and get sleepy again.
 I don't wanna make a super long pointless post so I'll put it under a cut (I dunno why...)

Warning: This is Freaking LONG! I didn't mean for it to be long. I'm Sorry! (Thats what cuts are for huh?)

[[Uhm. Ok, I dunno if it's just my computer, but the cut link isn't working. If you really wanted to read this, then click on the leave a comment thing and it'll pop up there. Sorry. I just suck at LJ stuff...]]

So. That was long. Anyway, when I woke up (I had apparently fallen asleep with the lamp on thank GOD) I just felt so horrible and weary and disgusted and .... I can't explain it. But with me being paranoid like I am, I had to go check the doors and make sure they were still locked and everything. But thanks to the f***ing squeaky door my dad woke up and came in there. I said it was just me and he asked what I was doing, and when I tried to say "I had a really bad dream, and I woke up so I was checking the locks." I started crying. =_= /is super lame/

He went back to bed, and I got something light to eat to settle my stomach, but when I came back in my room I kept crying. Not like bawling or anything, just tears and sniffling. Ugh. I feel so stupid. I can't even explain why it bothered me so much. It was just really horrible. I'm not gonna be able to sleep without a light for a while, cause my room is pitch black at night. I can't even see my hand in front of my face. -sounds like a baby-

The weird thing is, I can take like lots of little stuff out of that dream and tell you where it came from stuff in real life. But I wont go into that right now. I'm exhausted again. I think typing this out helped. I'm going to try to go back to sleep. If you actually sat through this whole thing, I apologize. -.-

PS: Random but... Kami/Van/Nick... thank you for being alive. Plz stay that way. KTHNX. =_=;;;;;
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Current Location: Bed
Current Mood: distressed
Current Music: Last Snow - Merry
 
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